Self-esteem is defined in several different ways, but generally, it is associated with identification and worth. It is how people regard themselves: with confidence and respect or disdain and scorn. Several factors influence how one feels of his or her worth. Life experiences, relationships, and one’s own thoughts play into a massive web creating the identity of an individual. Self-worth is a major part of everyone’s life, as it impacts each person’s perception of the world. From an unhealthy self-esteem to a healthy self-esteem, and how to develop one, exploring the amount of confidence one has can reveal an abundance of information on how the individual acts and feels.

Low self-esteem is something no one wants. Given the option, the majority of people would choose to have confidence in them self than have a considerable amount of self-deprecation. Unfortunately, reality is not fantasy, and it must be recognized that low self-esteem is something everyone struggles with from time to time. Low self-esteem affects several parts of life. These effects are negative and compromise well-being. Lack of regard for oneself is often a sidekick to self-deprecation. However, there is more to it than what it might appear. Low self-esteem comes in many different forms. The Mayo Clinic explicates these different forms of negative perception. Their article, “Self-Esteem Check: Too Low or Just Right?” explains the first form, which often comes in extreme humility, when they write, “…you put little value in your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults…You believe that others are more capable or successful. You might have difficulty accepting positive feedback. You might fear failure…” Along with this comes a tendency to center attention on weaknesses and flaws. A mindset of horrendous depreciation leads to deterioration of relationships, tolerance of abusive situations, and falling short of potential. Evidently, low self-esteem can have a major toll on mental health as well. The book, “Measures of Personality and Social Psychological Attitudes” reveals this in writing, “…research links low self-esteem with loneliness, depression, social anxiety, and alienation.” Recognition and acceptance of faults and errors can help one build a realistic view of oneself and subdue depression. However, low self-esteem comes in another form. An inflated ego, the desire to prove oneself, looking down on others: low self-esteem’s less recognized, nastier other half. Often, it is labeled as “high self-esteem”, yet debatably, there is no such thing. The Mayo Clinic delineates this in writing, “Boasting and feeling superior to others around you isn’t a sign of too much self-esteem. It’s more likely evidence of insecurity and low self-esteem.” Psychology Today further comments on this in “What is Self-Esteem?” by writing, “Too much self-love… results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures.” This self-love could be used to make one feel worthy and acceptable. It is a cover-up, a mask to guard themselves from the truth. Pseudo-confidence is used to present oneself as sure of his or her self and a façade is used to try and eradicate the feeling of insecurity that haunts them. However, people are not born with a negative perception of them self; instead, these feelings are developed over time. Carl E. Pickhardt, author of fifteen parenting books and member of the American and Texas Psychological Associations, explains two distinctive ways in which one’s confidence may diminish before their eyes. First, he describes self-esteem as identification. He elucidates this by providing clear and relatable examples. Committing an individual’s identity to one aspect of live, such as, “…having friends, to competitive sports, to high academic achievement…”, can bring heartbreak and shame when expectations are not met. He writes, “…when friends are lost, when injury ends athletics, when academic performance drops, esteem comes crashing down.” People may convince themselves that they are, “nothing without their friends,” or, “a failure if they don’t make an ‘A’”. These identifications are used as a clutch to identify who they are. Without them, they feel lost, confused, and hurt. They feel of little value and useless. The second way Pickhardt explains self-esteem is by evaluation. People determine their worth by how successful they are. Pickhardt illustrates this by clarifying evaluation and providing several examples that are prevalent today when he writes, “…the adolescent is routinely hard on him or herself—from insisting on excellence, from criticizing failings, from punishing mistakes…” People hold their expectations on a pedestal. They become fixated on this idea of perfection, a fantasy. Reality of human error demolishes this trophy they try so greatly to achieve, and they beat themselves up over it. Pickhardt summarizes this in writing, “…when expectations are unmet, when imperfections become apparent, when human errors occur, esteem comes crashing down.” Again, people repeat to themselves, “‘I’m so stupid!’ ‘What’s wrong with me!’ ‘I can’t do anything right!’” They repeat these things to themselves until these thoughts come naturally. Eventually, they believe them to be true. However, in no way are these things true. Consistent repetition of negative phrases to oneself can lower self-esteem dramatically. Judgements made by friends and family can harm self-esteem as well. Deprecating remarks and lack of praise issues harm to one’s perception of them self. He or she may feel worthless and of little value, to those, he or she cares about. Some things to consider are to assess what you pride yourself in. Rather than basing worth on one thing, consider holding pride in various things. Further, it is important to treat yourself with tolerance and consideration. Understanding can lighten the burden of disappointment. No one is perfect, so no one should be too hard on them self when perfection is not met. Setting more realistic goals can also prevent great disappointment, as well as recognizing your limits.

A healthy self-esteem, just as a low self-esteem, does not come easily. It is a process to develop, and it comes with more difficulty when self-deprecation overshadows all. However, with effort, it does arrive, and life becomes a more splendorous journey. Esteem is affected by several different factors, including how others react to one, life experiences, age, media, and status in society. In the end, the perception of self is impacted by the individual’s own thoughts. The only person you have control over is yourself. That being said, one of the first steps to achieving a healthy self-esteem is recognizing your flaws and accepting them. They exist so you can learn from them and better yourself. The Mayo Clinic builds on this when they state, “When you have a healthy self-esteem, it means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws.” Recognition of flaws is not focusing on them. It is equal to acknowledgment: it is understood they are there, but they do not define you. A “good opinion of your abilities” is not boasting of them or allowing them to inflate your ego. It is understanding what you are capable of and where your limits stand. It is recognizing, also, that even a healthy self-esteem does not prevent wrongdoing and guarantee accomplishment. Another step is having patience with yourself. Being over-critical and making harsh judgments about yourself lowers positive feelings of yourself. It invites negativity and welcomes sorrow. Psychology Today remarks on this in saying, “When you’re hurting is a time not to treat yourself badly, but well. That way you can motivate yourself to do better.” If you have a wound, you take care of it. You try to help it heal, and avoid making it worse. The same applies to esteem. When you are feeling down, do not continue to focus on your errors. Guilt and blame leads to unnecessary penance. More effort is put into punishment than fixing what is wrong. Work and focus on recovery with patience instead. Forming a healthy self-esteem is about learning to appreciate the value and enjoy the company of who you are. It is about respecting yourself, along with your faults. Then, you will become even better than you are today.

Self-esteem, a major influence in everyone’s lives, is not always consistent. It fluctuates from time to time, rising and falling like the tides of the sea. However, everyone has great control over how they view themselves. Determination of esteem follows how positively one thinks of them self. A decent amount of humility in a mixture of understanding flaws and abilities, balanced accurately, can improve how one sees them self and others. Nothing is hopeless as everyone is imperfect. If not, no one would be able to learn and grow.